"Lost at Sea" but "Blessed"

Well....last week is done. Thank goodness. It was rough. While on a lunch date today, I was trying to think about why it was a bad week. Besides all the work I had to do, I think I was just battling some stuff emotionally that has been on my mind since February. The Saturday before my hell week someone made a comment to me about how optimistic I am, and I responded being like haha....um. no. But then I remembered something, here is what I wrote that night: "It's also really hard to remember how different I am now. I used to be so negative about everything especially life. After 10th grade, I've slowly been finding my joy in Christ and optimism has come with that but I forget sometimes. I forget that not everyone knows my past. Not everyone knows that I dealt with major depression and the fact that I am so joyful now is solely because of Christ. I have to stop trying to forget my past. It is a part of me and people need to know it, but I need to remember it more than anyone. Reality check. Just because the past is done doesn't mean I should forget it. I wouldn't be who I am today with every single experience I've been through especially the bad, the doubts, the fears." This was just the beginning of the week, the beginning of the doubts that rushed through my head. Sometimes I feel like I live a hypocritical life because how I am on the outside, joyful and happy, isn't always reflecting how I feel on the outside. I don't like to be sad because I'm so scared of sinking back under to a place that I've been and never want to go back to. I think last week was a bad week because of all the little things-schoolwork, those self-doubts that I was experiencing, exhaustion physically-and all of these things resulted in a spiritual low. Honestly though, it's just one of those things that happens, but it was extra rough because I hadn't experienced a low for a while, like last semester was the last time I felt like that. Despite how much of a bum I thought I was going to become over the winter, the complete opposite happened. God helped me grow so much spiritually and emotionally and I was able to have a huge sense of healing after so many years of hurt. I'm just going to keep continuing to seek out God even through these low points because honestly, He's how I will get through it. Two amazing songs (also the title of this blog post)- Jimmy Needham "Lost at Sea" and Laura Story "Blessed" I recommend them both.